How to have time to take care of yourself if you spend all the time and strength on others

How to have time to take care of yourself if you spend all the time and strength on others

Your needs are always in last place? You spend all your strength and time on care and help others, but nothing is left for you? If so, you are not alone. Many people in this situation are on the verge of exhaustion. How to be?

Perhaps you are already happy because you are helping others - children, husband or wife, friends, parents or even your beloved dog. But at the same time, at least it happens to you at least from time to time to feel overloaded and exhausted, because you most likely have no resources for your own needs.

“Needs: physical and emotional, spiritual and social - everyone has. And we cannot ignore them for a long time, devoting ourselves only to help others, ”explains the psychotherapist Sharon Martin.

Moreover: caring for others to the detriment may be a symptom of co -dependence. Check whether it is or not in your case, you can, after reading the statements below. Which of them do you agree?

Caring or indulgence in everything?

It is important to learn how to distinguish real care from indulgence by other people's vices and weaknesses. Indulging, we do for another what he could do well himself. For example, it is completely normal to take a 10-year-old child by car to school, but we are not obliged to bring the 21-year-old son or daughter to university or work.

Of course, with each specific case you need to understand separately. Suppose your daughter is panicky to drive, but tries to overcome fear and goes to a psychotherapist. In this case, give it to it absolutely normal. But what if she is afraid to drive, but does nothing to defeat this fear? Then, bringing her to work, we indulge her weaknesses, making her dependent on us and giving her the opportunity to postpone the solution of her problems.

Type of other people's weaknesses are usually indulged in those who are generally inclined to do a lot for others from

Tout a commencé avec des rouleaux bouddhistes du XIIe siècle, lorsque un moine Witty nommé Toba a peint quatre histoires humoristiques sur les animaux qui ont décrit des acheter priligy et des moines bouddhistes. Manga avec la participation de moines et de bêtes non seulement, et avec des parcelles plus franches (c'est-à-dire qu'il n'y a peut-être pas de moines et d'animaux aussi) semble beaucoup plus tard - au XVIIe siècle, lors de la gravure - Xiung apparaissent dans l'art visuel.

guilt, duty or fear

“Taking care of young children or elderly parents is completely normal, because it is difficult for them to do it on their own. But it is useful to ask himself from time to time, whether your child can do more, because he is constantly growing and developing, gets life experience and masters new skills, ”says Sharon Martin.

Type of other people's weaknesses are usually indulged in those who are generally inclined to do a lot for others from guilt, duty or fear. It is completely normal to prepare dinner for a spouse or spouse (although he or she himself would have done it very well) if your relationship is based on mutual assistance and mutual assistance. But if you only give, and the partner only takes and does not appreciate you, this is a sign of a problem in a relationship.

You can not give up care for yourself

“Caring for yourself can be compared with a bank account. If you withdraw more money than you put on the account, you will have to pay for overspending, ”the author explains. - The same thing happens in the relationship. If you constantly spend your strength, but do not replenish them, sooner or later you will have to pay the bills. When we stop taking care of ourselves, we begin to get sick, get tired, our productivity suffers, we become irritable and touchy. ".

Do not forget about yourself - so you can help others without sacrificing your happiness and health.

How to take care of yourself and someone else at the same time?

Give yourself permission. It is important to constantly remember how important care is. You can even write a written resolution to yourself. For example:

(Your name) today has the right ______________ (for example: go to the gym).

(Your name) has the right not ________________ (for example: do not stay at work until late), because he wants ________________ (relax and lie down in the bath).

Such permissions may seem ridiculous, but for some they help to realize that they have the right to take care of themselves.

Highlight time for yourself. Select in the schedule of the time that you will devote only to yourself.

Set the boundaries. Your personal time requires protection. Set the boundaries. If you do not have enough strength, do not take on new obligations. If you are asked for help, write a note to yourself with permission to say no.

Enter things to others. You may need to entrust some of your current duties to others in order to free time for yourself. For example, you can ask your brother to sit with a sick father so that you can go to a dentist, or offer your spouse or wife to prepare dinner for yourself because you want to go to the gym.

Realize that you cannot help everyone. The desire to solve other people's problems all the time or take responsibility for others can bring you to nervous exhaustion. When you see a person who finds himself in a difficult situation, you immediately have a desire to help. You must first make sure that your help is really needed and he is ready to accept it. It is equally important to distinguish real assistance from indulgence from other people's weaknesses (and we indulge others in the first place in order to calm our own anxiety).

Remember that it is better to take care of yourself rarely than ever. It is very easy to fall into a trap of thinking on the principle of “everything or nothing”, deciding that if you cannot do everything perfectly, you should not try. In fact, we all understand that even five minutes of meditation is better than nothing. Therefore, do not underestimate the benefits of even minimal care of yourself (ate something useful, took a walk around the quarter, called the best friend). It is worth remembering this, trying to find a balance between self -care and others.

“Help to others is a very important thing that gives the meaning of our life. No one calls to become indifferent to someone else's grief and to other people's problems. I just suggest you give yourself no less love and care than you give others. Do not forget to take care of yourself, and you can live a long, healthy and happy life!" - reminds the psychotherapist.